


Tangled and Trapped

by jadeswallow



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Squick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4267644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeswallow/pseuds/jadeswallow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were three lost souls in a city, trying to escape their fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tangled and Trapped

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrangerenters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/gifts).



> Originally posted for je_squickfic [HERE](http://je-squickfic.livejournal.com/22610.html)

**1.**  
  
He found the note inside a red envelope, folded ten times, slipped between the pages of a dictionary. His fingers swept through it and dust fell from the surface. Spread out, the paper was old and yellow, its edges torn. Spread out, he could sniff a plethora of aromas coming from it. Cookies. Milk. Rain. Blood. There was a huge droplet of water on the writing. Tears. He read it once.  
  
_Laugh. Smile. Be happy. Fall in love._  
  
He read it again.  
  
_Laugh. Smile. Be happy. Fall in love._  
  
He pocketed it.  
  
-  
  
He wandered alone at night, eyes watching the view below. A song came out from his throat.  
  
_‘People, people, tiny little people, walking down the street. People, people, vain little thing, looking for love.’_  
  
He stopped. The night was young but he felt old. He clutched his shirt and looked at the sky. It was cold. It would never be warm again, not without the familiar smile.  
  
-  
  
He smiled for the hundredth time that night, behaving as he was expected to be. Around him, people were laughing, clapping their hands, praising each other. The party was just started and as the night went on, he needed to reply more fake smiles and fake greetings and tried not to hear all the things they whispered about him behind his back.  
  
He took another sip of his champagne, thinking of how he wanted nothing more than leaving the place. To be anywhere but here. Still, he was here to represent his family, so he stayed.  
  
He shivered. People, no, someone, was looking at him. The question was, was it him?  
  
-  
  
Life was a game and everyone was a part of it. In the end, when someone won, someone else would lose. Everyone had a secret. The only variable was about what.  
  
  
  
**2.**  
  
A cup of coffee was involved in their first meeting. The man was sitting and someone crashed into him; the cup stumbled and the coffee was spilled, ruining his day.  
  
“I’m really sorry!” Jun said as he squat down to clean up the floor.  
  
“It’s okay.” The man replied politely, but Jun could see a hint of annoyance on his face.  
  
Jun glanced up and spotted the coffee stain on the man’s shirt and pants. Jun clicked his tounge, mad at himself for being so clumsy. He needed sleep, but there was simply no time. “I will pay for the laundry. Look, I’m sorry but I’m running late to class.” Jun pulled out his pen and wrote down his number on a paper. “Just send me a text about the price, okay?”  
  
The man sighed. “I’ve told you that it’s okay.”  
  
“Just send me a text!” He ran without looking back.  
  
-  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Hi. Can I help you?” Jun slipped his hair behind his ear. Glancing up, Jun realized that he recognized the man that called him. It was their loyal customer. He was at the library almost every day, dozing off or flipping through the children’s books for hours. Jun’s co-worker Ryo had wondered once if the customer even went to work.  
  
However, it was the first time the man ever shown any interest in other people. He leaned against the receptionist’s table. “I just wonder where did you put my favorite book?”  
  
“Your favorite book?” Jun tilted his head.  
  
The customer merely replied it with raising one of his eyebrows.  
  
“Oh!” Jun vaguely remembered a cover of a fairytale’s book. “I’m sorry, but the book was too old, so we sold it and replaced it with new children’s books.”  
  
The customer shook his head. Despite saying that it was his favorite’s book, he hardly looked disappointed. In fact, he looked strangely amused.  
  
“Studying while working, are we?” The customer asked nonchalantly, his fingers flipping through Jun’s textbook.  
  
“I’m sorry, some of us need to make a living.” Jun grabbed the book back. “Not all of us can afford spending their days by looking at pictures.”  
  
The customer’s eyes scanned Jun’s face slowly and Jun noticed that the man stopped longer at the sight of his eye bags. Jun wondered if they were that apparent. He had forgotten how long it was since he had a good night sleep. Weeks. Months. Years. What’s the difference? He needed to eat and he couldn’t quit his school, so less sleep was the only choice he had.  
  
“How many jobs do you have?” The customer asked.  
  
Jun didn’t see a pity in his eyes, only genuine curiosity. He could not answer pitiful questions because it made him feel even more worthless. “Watching this library and occasionally working for campus’s newspaper. I’m hoping to work in journalism.” Or so he wanted people to believe. Jun tried it to say it as many times as possible. For unknown reasons, the dream looked easier to achieve when he said it out loud.  
  
“Do you think your life will be better when you know more things?”  
  
Jun gritted his teeth. “I know that I will get better job if I have higher level of education.” He was fed up by being a part of lower society class, tired of people suspecting him and eyeing him suspiciously when they knew what kind of family he came from.  
  
The customer tapped Jun’s hands and smiled sweetly. “I think I like you. My name is Nino. What’s yours?”  
  
  
  
**3.**  
  
“So, you are going to interview that man?” Ryo munched his fries. “Will you ask about the rumored love curse?”  
  
“Please, Ryo.” Jun shook his head. Sometimes he couldn’t stand his co-worker. “There’s no way I could ask that.”  
  
“But it’s interesting!” Ryo insisted. “They say that all girls he ever dated were found dead from various reasons. Isn’t it suspicious?” Ryo stopped chewing and lowered his voiced down. “Personally, I think he killed them, but of course, money always helped him out of trouble.”  
  
Jun rolled his eyes. “Ryo, it’s only three girls. One was dead in a car accident, one was sick, and the last one was found dead in another country from doing drugs. He may be cursed, but I don’t think he killed anyone. Accidents happen.”  
  
Ryo shrugged. “I still prefer my theory.”  
  
“Well,” Jun slung his bag. “I’m interviewing him for his success secret, not his love problems. Besides, it’s only a short column and my time is very limited. I won’t even have the chance to mention the word love.”  
  
-  
  
“You are the man at the coffee shop, the one that I ran into on my way to campus several weeks ago.” Jun blurted the words out as soon as they were alone.  
  
The other man circled the table to sit on his chair. “Yes, I am.”  
  
Jun sat down across him. “You never sent me the text.”  
  
“I didn’t.”  
  
“Well, I think you’re rich enough to pay for the laundry. You’re the Sakurai Sho, after all.” Jun shrugged. He never meant to let out any hint of envy, but he did, and it was impossible to take it back now that the words had been said.  
  
Sakurai Sho’s face was unreadable. “There are some disadvantages with being rich.”  
  
Jun snorted.  
  
Sho moved uneasily in his seat. “Let’s just get this interview started. What’s the topic about?”  
  
“Something along the line of ‘The story behind the young and successful Sakurai Sho’ or 'The love curse that follows Sakurai Sho'?” It sounded more accusing than he meant it to be, and Jun swallowed, preparing to be kicked out of the room.  
  
Sho’s reaction was nothing like he had expected. If Sho was disturbed by Jun’s tone, he never showed it. He merely waved his hand casually. “Let’s go with the first topic.”  
  
Jun sighed. He didn’t know what was wrong with him recently. It was not Sho’s fault that Jun had a difficult life. “I’m sorry. I just have been going through a lot of problems lately. I shouldn’t throw it all to you. I’ve been acting really rude. I hope you could forgive me.”  
  
“It’s understandable,” Sho nodded. “I’m used to it. No matter how successful I’ve become, people are more interested about my curse.”  
  
Jun didn’t think he could feel guiltier, but he did. “I’m really sorry.”  
  
“I will forgive you if you stop saying sorry.”  
  
Jun lifted his head up and saw that Sho was smiling. “Let’s treat this interview as a new start to our acquaintance.”  
  
He was more easy-going than Jun thought he would be, considering his image. Sakurai Sho, the perfect Prince Charming, born from a high class family, educated to take over his father’s company, yet he looked gloomy somehow.  
  
Jun allowed himself a little smile. “Then what if we try a new angle for the interview? The disadvantage of being rich, for example.”  
  
Sho’s eyes wandered towards the window across the room. For a moment there was a hint of sadness in his face. “It was like a bird in a bird cage, see? You are well taken care of and people came to look at you, admiring how you look like, yet you knew you were trapped and you can’t help but looking at the sky, wondering what it feels like to fly away and be free.”  
  
Jun’s eyes followed his. He stared at the clear blue sky behind the window. Images from his past flashed through his mind, tormenting him. “It is actually not that free, no matter where you put your feet on, there is always something that trapping you in. It’s as lonely inside as it is outside.”  
  
Sho let out a small chuckle. “Lonely, isn’t it, living? Especially if a curse follows you.”  
  
Jun turned his head. Their eyes were locked into each other and although it seemed impossible, Jun thought he saw a similarity in them. A desperate need for help, struggling and eating them from inside. Sho squint his eyes and Jun thought he sensed a mutual understanding between them. They were as lost in life.  
  
Sho was the first one to avert his gaze. “I’m sorry, let’s stick to the original topic. We shouldn’t crush people’s dreams of being rich and successful. Besides, I don’t even like flying.”  
  
“Why not?” Jun prepared his pen and paper. The moment was gone but the interview had to go on.  
  
“I hate high places.”  
  
-  
  
There were tears on his face but he didn’t even realize that he had been crying. It was another lonely night. The sounds of rain slamming against his window made him feel dizzy. His head was spinning. He was nauseous. He needed to play a new game. Yes, he thought silently, a new game would do. Anything to get rid of the sickening feeling. Anything to punish  _him_. He thought of the new guy he just met.  _He would do_ , he smiled.  
  
  
  
**4.**  
  
“Come dance with me, Sho!” A girl laughed in his ear, pulling him to the middle of the room. He felt a pair of arms around his neck, grabbing him closer. It felt like a dog’s collar. The girl leaned forward and whispered, “I like your smell.”  
  
Sho smiled politely, swaying himself to the music. He didn’t even remember the girl’s name, but it was okay. The girl was probably only interested in him because of the bad rumor.  
  
Sho bowed down to capture the girl’s lips. This was another kind of party and he was allowed to let loose tonight. No one is looking at him here. He was safe. When the morning came, that night would be already forgotten. The girl’s tongue went inside his mouth but Sho hardly felt a thing. Wait, he was not supposed to feel anything. Love meant death; Sho would not let himself to forget it.  
  
-  
  
“Why are you always here?”  
  
“Hm?” Nino flipped a page through the new children book. “Because I enjoy being here, of course.”  
  
Jun put the book aside. “What I mean is, don’t you work?”  
  
“I’m not allowed to work.”  
  
“Are you sick?” Jun was genuinely concern.  
  
“Perhaps.”  
  
“May I know from what?”  
  
“Let’s talk about something else instead. How did the interview go?”  
  
“It was okay.” Jun tried to hide his emotions, but he failed.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
Jun didn’t immediately answer. He let his gaze wandered aimlessly before finally asking. “Do you think there’s any way for us to escape from the trap called society?”  
  
Nino was silent for a while. Jun thought the question was too heavy but when he was about to tell Nino to forget it, Nino opened his mouth. “There was nothing worse than being free.”  
  
-  
  
“Jun,” someone shouted his name. “You’re Jun, right?”  
  
Jun turned his head around. When he saw who was calling him, he wanted to run, but it was too late.  
  
“Jun, how are you?”  
  
“Fine.” Jun mumbled.  
  
“I’m glad you’re doing fine. Do you still take your medicine?”  
  
“Sometimes.” Jun looked at his feet. He tried to smile but he thought it came out as a grimace instead.  
  
“Do you still…”  
  
“I already said I’m fine, okay?” Jun cut him. He had a little patience for someone who couldn’t take a hint. He turned his body and got inside the library.  
  
“Who is that?” Ryo was sitting on the table, licking crumbs off his fingers.  
  
Jun threw the plastic bag away. “He was my therapist.”  
  
“Oh,” Jun noticed that Ryo avoided his gaze, trying not to show a pity. Jun loathed that the most, when people trying to look as if they didn’t pity him but their expression showed otherwise. They never realized that they were uglier that way, and far more insulting.  
  
Jun sighed. He picked up the books that just came earlier from its boxes, lining them up based on the categories. The books slipped from his fingers and Jun finally became conscious that he was trembling. Shaken with anger. Or frustration. Jun couldn’t care less of the reason. He just knew that no matter how hard he had been running from his past, the past would never let him go. Jun shook his head. He had been really emotional lately; it was time to search for something to distract himself.  
  
He lifted up his head and saw Nino looking at him.  
  
-  
  
Nino was restless. Every day looked the same. The sun set and rose again the next day. The night came only to be replaced by morning the next day. Everyone came only to leave again.  
  
He smiled at the pictures in the children’s books. Pictures were good; everything was still, frozen in time when they looked best. He lifted up his head and glanced up at the grandfather’s clock in the corner.  _Ding dong ding dong_ , the bell was swaying nauseatingly.  
  
Someone opened the door noisily. It was the pretty librarian, Jun. He looked annoyed. Nino’s eyes went outside and he saw a man looking at Jun. The man clicked his tongue disapprovingly before turning his back, walking away.  
  
Nino stared at Jun, paying attention to how he sorted the new books. Jun caught him and looked away. Nino didn’t.  
  
-  
  
“Hey, Ryo.”  
  
“Hm?” Ryo’s eyes were fixed to his book.  
  
“What do you think about someone who has everything but still feeling unhappy?”  
  
Ryo looked up, examining Jun’s restless face. “Sad, isn’t it?”  
  
“Isn’t it annoying?” Jun bit his lip, looking uneasy. “When someone else doesn’t have anything and have to struggle through life?”  
  
There was a quiet.  
  
“Are you talking about yourself?”  
  
Jun gazed at the window. “I want to teach him what misery actually is.”  
  
-  
  
Sho locked the bathroom. The time had come again and he had received the inevitable. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. “He is gone, Sakurai. He is gone. You did nothing wrong. Don’t regret anything.” He tidied up his tie. “Besides, that’s the only choice you had. Your family couldn’t accept any scandal, they still can’t.” Yet as he said it, the words sounded as hollow as the first time he had said it, once upon a time.  
  
Sho opened the red envelope that just came that morning and tore it to pieces without even looking at it. “I’m sorry.”  
  
  
  
**5.**  
  
“Ouch!”  
  
“Show me your arms.”  
  
“What, you are my boss now?”  
  
Nino pulled Jun’s sleeve up, ignoring his protest. The scars were new, shallow but long, enough to feel pain but not enough for anything else. Not enough to die.  
  
Jun pulled his arms back. He threw his gaze away but he didn’t move his feet. “You won’t understand.”  
  
Nino leaned his body to the bookcase, his face betrayed nothing. “Try me.”  
  
Jun took a seat. Something about Nino made him relax but Jun couldn’t quite put it into words. His voice didn’t even tremble when he started.  
  
“It makes me feel. When I can’t even grieve, when I can’t even be sad, when I’m too tired to be angry, when everything just come to me all at once and I want to scream but I can’t, when I want to throw everything up but there’s nothing to throw up, when I want to hit something but there’s nothing to hit, when it’s all getting too much, just too much, and there’s no one I trust enough to share the overwhelming feelings….” He lifted his head up and met Nino’s unwavering eyes. “The knife was there and when the blood comes up, the color is pretty enough, vibrant enough, to make me stay focus, to sharpen my mind. I’m not planning to be suicidal. The blood makes me want to live.”  
  
Nino said nothing. He merely nodded and lifted his sleeves up. Jun bit his lip, his eyes followed the movement until they were stopped at the scars on both arms. Identical scars with his. Jun blinked while Nino smirked. “Trust me, I understand.”  
  
As their bodies went closer, the scars brushed against each other and it hurt. It hurt, but Jun didn’t want it to stop.  
  
-  
  
_He was alive, looking at him, calling at him, laughing with him. Sho wanted to call his name but the name was caught in his throat. What was his name again? He looked below and saw a pool of blood. There was another boy there, trapped inside. The blood went up to Sho’s feet, surrounding him, absorbing him, and he didn’t even refuse it, he just let himself being brought down by the blood. Sho struggled to remember the name but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, or perhaps he didn’t want to. Saying the name makes it real. There were tears on his cheeks. When did he start crying? There, he remembered the name, but he forgot what name he meant to say, the first boy or the second one. He said it out loud, for one last time, but the sound was muted.  
  
One of the boys reached out to him and smiled. “I will always watch over you, Sho. Always.”_  
  
-  
  
“Hey, Jun.”  
  
Jun sighed. “Yes?”  
  
“Look, your scars are open again. It’s pretty, like a virgin’s blood.”  
  
Jun let Nino lick the blood. It was pretty indeed; red and vibrant and it made such a fascinating view on the sheets. His heart beat faster.  
  
Nino nudged him. “Tell me what’s been bothering you?”  
  
  
  
**7.**  
  
Jun was having a bad day. First his advisor told him that his grades weren't good enough, and then his senior at the newspaper club tried to grope him under the table. Jun had punched him and declared that he'd quit the club. He went to the library to calm his mind down, but accidentally torn a new book into two due to his anger. His boss took half of his salary for that.  
  
Jun passed the same road he took the previous night and found Sho at the same place, laying his head on the grass, gazing at the stars while still wearing a perfectly tailored suit.  
  
Jun took the bottle out of his bag and swung it above Sho’s head. “Care for a drink?”  
  
Getting up, Sho smiled. “That would be appreciated.”  
  
Jun opened the bottle and took a sip before passing it to Sho. “Going home from a party?”  
  
“Two,” Sho lifted up two fingers. “Two parties.” Sho didn’t mention how unreasonable he was during the day and how he needed alcohol to wash his nervousness away. Some things didn’t need to be said.  
  
“Had sex with anyone while you’re at it?”  
  
Sho turned his head and their eyes were locked together. Jun tried not to swallow.  
  
“No.” Sho was still looking at him.  
  
Jun let his eyes wandered to Sho’s lips. He leaned closer. “Have you ever kissed a man before?”  
  
Sho didn’t even blink. “It won’t be my first time.”  
  
-  
  
Sho’s lips were on him and Jun stopped thinking. Sho felt good, the kiss felt good, everything felt good. Jun tried not to think about his annoying advisor, about his perverted senior, or about his rental payment. Everything didn’t matter anymore except for the fact that there was someone beside him, touching him. Sho came at the right time when Jun needed someone to make him forget, and forget he did, at least for a while.  
  
-  
  
He was kissing this stranger and it felt better, way better than kissing a girl with too much perfume and too much lipstick on. Jun smelled like old paper and alcohol and pasta, and something else. Sho pulled Jun closer and heard Jun’s muffled moans. His hand traveled down. They were outside but Sho hardly cared. It felt good and that’s all that matter, to actually felt something. Sho tried to stop himself for feeling anything, because love meant death, but it was hard to think properly when you’re drunk.  
  
-  
  
Jun woke up without a note beside him. He squint his eyes. He was still lying on the grass. Morning had come and the rich boy had left without a word. Jun laughed and laughed. Sakurai Sho was not as proper as he seemed to be.  
  
  
  
**9.**  
  
Sho turned around. Someone was watching him, he could feel it, but no one was there. His secretary stopped and tilted his head, inquiring the unspoken question. Sho knew he hadn’t acted like himself lately. So many years had passed since the last time he lost his composure. For some reason, the image of his night with Jun always came up in his mind, overlapping with another night, another kind of smile. Smiles that ended in death. Sho took another look around but still, no one was there. He sighed and returned walking. When would it be enough?  
  
-  
  
‘I know about your escapades.’  
  
Sho looked at the photo and the letter distraughtly. At first he thought it was the usual letter of terror, but he had received the red envelope of this year. When he opened it, he saw a photo of him and Jun together, tangled to each other by the riverside.  
  
Sho wondered if it was sent by the same person with the sender of the red envelope and what it meant. He shivered. For the second time in his life, he didn’t know what to do.  
  
-  
  
Jun looked at the photo, frowning. “Do you have any idea who would do this?”  
  
“No,” Sho shook his head solemnly. “That’s why I am asking you.”  
  
“Well,” Jun pushed the photo, “I don’t know either.”  
  
Sho put the photo back into the envelope, touching it carefully as if it could burn his hand. “Perhaps it’s better if we…”  
  
Jun cut him. “I understand.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
-  
  
Another letter came three days later. There was a photo of him and Jun in the coffee shop inside. Another one came three days after the second one: a photo of Jun in the library and Sho in his office. The third one came three days after the third one: a photo of him laying in the grass with Jun swinging the bottle above him. Sho tore all of them apart and threw them to the waste bin, but he knew the problem had just started.  
  
  
  
**10.**  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Hey.” Jun put the books into the shelves, tidying them up.  
  
Nino brought some more children’s books and put them all on the table, looking ready to spend his day there.  
  
Jun leaned his back to the shelves. “So, will you tell me why you can’t work?”  
  
“Are you still curious about that?”  
  
“Nino, you are here almost every day.” Jun sighed and took a seat next to their loyal customer. “Is it related to the scars?”  
  
“I committed a crime.”  
  
“What?” Jun was startled with how casual Nino’s tone was. Nino’s eyes were glistening with mischief. Jun shivered. He knew he had to stop, but his interest got the best of him. “Is it the truth?”  
  
“The truth is what you believe in. It’s subjective.” Nino shrugged.  
  
“What kind of crime?” Jun pressed on.  
  
Nino glanced at the window. His mind was wandering elsewhere. “For loving too much. Or not as much.”  
  
-  
  
Jun was waiting for Sho when he went out. Sho stopped his steps. “I thought you understand…”  
  
“A letter came to me every day starting from two weeks ago.” Jun pulled something from his pocket and showed it to Sho.  
  
Sho almost forgot to breathe when he saw the red envelope. “What’s in it?”  
  
Jun looked uneasy. “At first it was just a photo of you as a kid, playing with other boys. Then pictures of the same boy, again and again, smiling, laughing, crying. With you.”  
  
Sho knew he went pale. He grabbed the nearest thing on his side. A lamp pole was better than nothing, Sho decided as he tightened his grip. “And then?”  
  
Jun swallowed. “Then this letter came today.”  
  
Sho didn’t need to see it to know what the picture was. Blood, blood, blood. He remembered his nightmare, but it was not a nightmare at all. It was real.  
  
Sho pushed Jun down and ran away. He suddenly remembered the name right before he ran to the street. It was hidden there in his heart, locked away and Sho tried to forget, but he couldn’t. Masaki, yes that was the name. Aiba Masaki.  
  
  
  
**6.**  
  
Nino nudged him again. “So, what is it that’s bothering you?”  
  
Jun tried to lie. “Nothing.”  
  
Nino didn’t flinch. He stared at Jun and Jun knew that Nino knew. “We only cut when something came up. When everything is too much, too much, you said so yourself.”  
  
“It’s nothing. I just…”  
  
“Just what?” Nino’s fingers brushed lightly against Jun’s scars.  
  
“Just annoyed.” Jun gave up. “He had everything but he is still not satisfied. It just doesn’t seem fair.”  
  
“Who is?”  
  
“Sakurai Sho.”  
  
“That Sakurai Sho?”  
  
Jun furrowed his brows. “Do you know him?”  
  
Nino leaned down and whispered. “We came from the same hometown and I heard some gossip.”  
  
Jun scoffed. “The love curse rumor? Everyone knows that.”  
  
“No.” Nino smacked him. “Listen to me first. People said that when Sakurai was young, there was a boy who loved him too much. However, Sakurai didn’t love him back. The boy killed himself in the name of love and his ghost haunted Sakurai, unwilling to let him love anyone else.”  
  
Jun snorted. “I don’t believe in ghost stories.”  
  
“There was another version of the story. Sakurai was jealous of the carefree nature of the boy and he wanted to own him, to tie him down, and when the boy refused, he killed him. That’s what he did to the girls too. What he couldn’t own, he destroyed.”  
  
Jun thought about what Sakurai had said in his office and the look in his face when he talked about being free. “It’s more convincing than the first theory.”  
  
“Well, we will never know the truth, won’t we?”  
  
“I wonder if someone like him knew what misery truly tasted like.” Jun looked at his scars and then Nino’s. “A misery so awful that makes us know nothing but pain and that pain is essential to make us keep on going, to let us know we still breathe.”  
  
Nino was thoughtful. “Pain is a good thing, sometimes.”  
  
Jun blinked. “Sometimes.”  
  
Nino turned his head. His eyes were twinkling with mischief. “I wonder if the curse only happened to girls?”  
  
“Well, we can only wonder.” Jun replied carelessly, but then he saw the look in Nino’s face and Jun understood. “Oh.”  
  
  
  
**8.**  
  
Jun looked at Nino nervously. “This is not wrong, right?”  
  
Nino smirked. “Of course this is wrong, but everyone sinned. Human has ugly nature since the day we were born, better not to deny that fact, Jun.”  
  
Jun’s hand stopped in the air. “Perhaps we shouldn’t do this.”  
  
Nino merely shrugged. “I’m not the one who needs the money.”  
  
Jun groaned. He walked around the room twice while Nino continued flicking through fairytale books carelessly. Jun sat back in front of Nino. “We won’t harm him, right?”  
  
Nino’s fingers brushed Jun’s cheek. Lightly. “I really like it when you’re like this. You looked like a kid.”  
  
Jun let Nino touched him. “I’m not the one who keeps reading fairytale books.”  
  
Nino smiled. He put the photo inside the envelope -- a photo of Sho and Jun by the riverside -- and pushed it into Jun’s arms. “The decision is in your hand.”  
  
Jun looked at the envelope gloomily for a whole good minute before nodding his head. “I’ll send it.”  
  
Nino nodded back.  
  
Jun knew this was wrong, but then he remembered his advisor, his senior, his rent payment, his therapist, his tiny little room, Sho’s suit and his office and his alcohol. Jun scanned his scars, trying to convince himself that it was not as wrong as it seemed. Everyone sinned. Jun didn’t plan to kill anyone; he just wanted some money to have a better future.  
  
“I’ll send it.” He repeated his words, more for himself than for anyone else.  
  
-  
  
“It’s been a week. He is still not affected by it. Perhaps we should ask for the money now.”  
  
“Perhaps you should seduce him again so we can have more pictures.”  
  
Jun rose up from his chair. “What do you take me for?”  
  
There was a pause. When Nino finally spoke, he was telling a truth Jun couldn’t deny. “You enjoyed it. I didn’t see any sense of discomfort that night.”  
  
Jun bit his lip. Nino was getting weirder lately. He often sounded bitter, annoyed, mad, even jealous. Jun wanted to yell that it was not fair. Nino was the first one who proposed the game.  _It’ll be easy_ , Nino had said,  _he still has much money left. You don’t even have to break his heart._  
  
Jun caught Nino staring at him and cancelled the protest. He threw his gaze away. Afraid. What had he gotten himself into?  
  
-  
  
The first red envelope came a few days after the conversation. Red like blood that tainted his sheet and flowed to his floor. It was soon followed by many others, each with a picture of Sho and some of his high school friends. One boy was always in the picture, a boy who smiled so brightly like the sun. Jun showed it to Nino but Nino was as confused as he was. They thought it was the boy in the rumor, the one that haunted Sakurai.  
  
They were spying on Sakurai for days but he didn’t do anything suspicious, though he was far calmer than Jun hoped he would be, so who sent it? Why did that person send the pictures to him? Jun was afraid to admit that he might be the next victim. He added a few more scars to his arms while his eyes looked confusedly at the photos, wondering about who the boy was and why his innocent smile was taken away so quickly.  
  
He couldn’t stand it anymore. He needed to ask Sho. He wondered silently what he was afraid of the most: dying, hurting Sho, Nino’s maniacal eyes, or seeing the ugly side of himself up-close.  
  
  
  
**11.**  
  
‘I’m sorry. There was something I need to tell you. Would you come here? Jun.’  
  
Sho read the text several times. The next message came without waiting for his reply.  
  
‘I’m at your high school.’  
  
Someone knocked his door, bringing a red envelope with a photo inside. A smiling Aiba, three girls, and Jun. Sho reached out for his car keys.  
  
-  
  
Sho ran to the high school’s roof. It has been a few years, but his feet knew exactly where to go. He pushed the door open and found someone there.

“Nino.”  
  
Nino looked back. “Sho.”  
  
-  
  
“Where’s Jun?”  
  
Nino’s eyes went to the ground and Sho followed, gasping for air. He wanted to look away, but no, Jun deserved better. His trembling fingers grasped the railing. Sho had forgotten how long had it been since he ever looked down from high places, and the sight that awaited him was the thing he was most afraid of. Jun, on the ground. No, he shook his head, not Jun. What’s left of him. His soul was not there anymore.  
  
“You should’ve never released me, Sho.”  
  
Sho stayed silent.  
  
“It’s sickening to be free. Look, the cuts can’t entertain me anymore.”  
  
Sho didn’t turn his head. He had seen Nino’s scars too often, far too often.  
  
“He was a pretty little thing, he reminded me of  _him_. Then he turned ugly, jealous, envious, and restless. I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Nino scrunched up his nose. “Too bad. I originally want him to live longer. If only he didn’t come to you with our lovely red envelope.”  
  
Sho didn’t reply. There was no word to reply it.  
  
“Don’t worry, he loves blood. He says blood is pretty, now look at how pretty he is.”  
  
Sho couldn’t close his eyes. He fell to the ground, but his fingers were still holding the railing, his eyes were still looking at the body.  _Love meant death._  The nightmare restarted itself, again and again and again.  
  
  
  
**-1.**  
  
Aiba was there, there at the ground, bloody and twisted. Sho took a few steps back, shaken. He held the railings. He couldn’t look down again. He couldn’t. Not to that sight.  
  
“Why did you do that?” Tears clouded his eyes. Sho couldn’t see clearly but he knew Nino was there, smiling. A nauseating sight. Somehow he was grateful that he was crying; he was not sure he wanted to see clearly.  
  
“He became ugly.” Nino’s reply was simple. “He was not innocent anymore, Sho.”  
  
Sho was trembling. “He is our friend.”  
  
“Was.”  
  
“I-I don’t understand.” Sho was not sure he wanted to understand. He wanted to run away and went back to his bed and perhaps when he wakes up the next day, all of this would just be a dream. A nightmare, that’s all.  
  
“He loves you. All he talks about was just you, you, and you. You contaminated him.”  
  
Sho blinked.  
  
“He was pure and innocent, with the brightest smile in the world. Then he fell in love and became ugly as the rest of the world is.”  
  
“I-Is that enough reason to kill him?”  
  
Nino shook his head. “You don’t understand, Sho. I saved him before he got uglier. Love makes people ugly. Don’t fall in love too, Sho, I don’t want to see you become ugly.”  
  
“You’re sick.” Sho tried to get up but failed. His legs were too weak. “I’m calling the police.”  
  
Nino laughed. “And what? Telling the world that your boyfriend killed your friend out of jealously?”  
  
“You’re not…” Sho bit his lip.  
  
“I’m not your boyfriend?” Nino stepped forward and caressed Sho’s cheek. “Then what about the kiss, and the hug, and the sex? I have proof, Sho. You see, I’m not stupid.”  
  
There was a pause. Sho closed his eyes.  
  
“I loved you.”  
  
Nino hastily pulled his hand back. “I’ve told you not to fall in love.”  
  
  
  
**0.**  
  
_Laugh. Smile. Be happy. Fall in love._  
  
Nino read the text twice before nodding his head, satisfied. “Aiba couldn’t smile anymore, so you shouldn’t too. There wasn’t a smile as beautiful as Aiba’s was. I will make sure that you won’t have any of these.”  
  
Tears slipped away from his eyes and fell into the note. Nino put the note on the red envelope, folding it neatly and slipped it in a book.  
  
“I will always watch over you, Sho. Always.”  
  
  
  
**-2**  
  
“Hey, Aiba, fairies are beautiful, aren’t they? They don’t grow old; they don’t fall in love like humans do. They are easily satisfied with milk and cookies. Aren’t they the prettiest thing ever?”


End file.
